It's Not What You Think
by Himura Kawaii
Summary: What if Kaoru decides to marry someone else? And that someone else is actually everything you could ever wish for in a guy? What would Kenshin do? Please review! ^_^ Chap 5 now up!! ^_^
1. Chapter 1 It's Going to Be a Good Day!

::It's Not What You Think::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter One  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
A/N: This story takes place a few years after the Jinchuu Arc. We won't follow what's really supposed to happen, but instead I am going to make my own story out of it!!! Hahahaha!!  
  
::laughs maniacally::  
  
Okay.. erm.. on with it! ^_^ ***  
  
Kenshin woke up feeling refreshed and energetic that day. He fixed his futon and got dressed.  
  
I wonder what Kaoru-done would like to eat today?  
  
He looked out the window and smiled. He was going to make rice and Miso soup for breakfast. It was her favorite. He happily stepped out of the room and smiled to himself. This was going to be a good day for him.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
Kaoru smelled the aroma of soup. She knew without even opening her eyes that it was Miso, her favorite. She yawned and stretched lazily on her futon as she wondered what the occasion was. She suddenly gasped when she remembered that today was the day she was supposed to meet with Ohkawa Yoshikazu[1], her husband to be. Kaoru remembered her conversation with Genzai-sensei on the previous death anniversary of her father. She didn't know that her father had left a will that was to be read to Kaoru by the time that she was already nineteen years old. According to the wall, if Kaoru was still unmarried up until the day of reading, Genzai-sensei would arrange her to be wed with one of her father's best students then. The student appeared to be a year older than Kaoru and had been at one time, her acquaintance.  
  
Kaoru shivered at the thought of marrying someone whom she hasn't even met, or even if she did, had already forgotten. Sure, she was nineteen years old and by the standard, she was beyond a marriageable age. "But. I'm. I'm waiting for Kenshin!" Kaoru silently whined to herself.  
  
No A voice in her head stated. You've waited for him for far too long. It's time you moved on and obeyed your late father's wishes.  
  
kaoru hadn't told Kenshin about the agreement yet. She would be meeting Ohkawa-san for lunch. She reasoned to herself that there would be plenty of time to tell him about it. Besides, it was only a meeting. She would inform Genzai-sensei three days later if she could and would push through with the wedding. There would be plenty of time.  
  
She just didn't know if it was she who needed time or Kenshin.  
  
"Ohayou de gozaru yo, Kaoru-done!" Kenshin smiled as he laid a steaming cup of soup and rice in front of Kaoru.  
  
"Ohayou, Kenshin." Kaoru smiled, uneasiness creeping through her entire body.  
  
I have to tell him now.  
  
She sat down beside Kenshin and smiled up at him. "Uh, Kenshin?" Kaoru began.  
  
Kenshin turned to her, violet eyes twinkling with curiosity. "Hai, Kaoru- dono?"  
  
That blasted '-dono'! When would he drop that?!  
  
But instead, she said rather irritated, "Where is Yahiko?!"  
  
"He's at Sanosuke and Megumi-dono's house." Kenshin politely answered. "He's babysitting little Arima"  
  
"Oh." Kaoru nodded. They ate in silence for a while when Kaoru suddenly spoke.  
  
"Kenshin?"  
  
"Hai, Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"Um," Kaoru bit her lower lip, not knowing how to start. "I need to tell you something very important."  
  
Kenshin stopped eating at once and turned his full attention to Kaoru. "What is it Kaoru-dono? Is something the matter with you?"  
  
Kaoru took a deep breath and turned to face Kenshin's intense violet eyes. "Kenshin, I'm getting married."  
  
*** I wrote this story a loooooooooooooooooong time ago, but just didn't have the urge to continue. but now that I've dug it again, I can maybe continue it. this was a breather from "Mirai". but when I started "Twisted", I knida forgot all about this. Anyways. this one will have a different ending. maybe a not too happy one. hehe. I'm trying my hands at sad endings. ^_^  
  
This is also the first time I wrote about RK in their original timeframe. "Mirai" and "Twisted" were both A/U so it's kinda harder cuz I had to research about traditional weddings Yes, there will be a wedding! and funerals. Good thing my speech in class is also about these stuff so, hey, I hit two birds with one research, erm, stone!  
  
The chapters are a little shorter And slower than what I usually write. maybe we could call them "chaplets'?!  
  
::Minna groans::  
  
Okay, okay. I wrote four chapters a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago, as I've said, They were all short and I just did chapter five last night. If it's any consolation, chapter five turned out to be loooooooong. I'll encode them and post these chaps as soon as I can. ^_^ I hope you guys would bear with me!!! (  
  
Thanks for all the peeps who read my other fics and will read this one. you guys simply rock! Please review and rant and rave and criticize and comment and whatever! ^_^ I'm always always always glad to hear from you. I check my reviews, like, ten times a day!!! Even during class!! Teehee. Domo arigatou gozxaimasta minna!! You make Kawaii really happy. and best of all, you make her write better and nicer fics! Love you guys!  
  
Yosh, this is for you. ----------------------- [1]Errm. this guy is a REAL LIVE Japanese guy's name. and no disclaimers here. Plus the descriptions of Yoshi that you'll later read would really describe the true Yoshi. so the character is based on the real guy. I'd really like to claim, own, and keep this guy, err, character. teehee.. ^_^ Arigatou! 


	2. Chapter 2 Maybe Not

::It's Not What You Think::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Two  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
A/N: Those not in but are in between are also the character's thoughts. they're just what we can call "conflicting emotions".  
  
Minna: Yeah, right!  
  
Okay, on with it.  
  
"Kenshin, I'm getting married."  
  
Kenshin involuntarily dropped his chopsticks and blinked at Kaoru.  
  
Whaaa? What did she say?  
  
She's getting married.  
  
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I must've heard it wrong.  
  
But she is.  
  
She can't be!  
  
"A-ano, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin managed to say. "I-I don't think I heard it right. Will you please say that again? Gomen nasai, but sessha's hearing seems to be off."  
  
Kaoru frowned. This wasn't exactly the reaction she hope for, but repeated what she said just the same.  
  
"I said I'm getting married Kenshin."  
  
Kenshin just stared at her for a few minutes, unable to decide on what to say.  
  
Should I stop her?  
  
And who are you to do that? What can you offer her? You've tainted your hands with blood of the people you killed. Do you think pure, innocent Kaoru deserves someone like you?  
  
No. but I love her. so much.  
  
Then let her go.  
  
How?  
  
Just let her go.  
  
But why?  
  
She deserves someone better. Someone else can make her happy. Someone else can give her the safety and stability you can't.  
  
Oh.  
  
Kaoru was waiting for Kenshin to say something. One word of protest from him and she won't go through with this marriage thing. Just one word. Even a sound of objection, or any emotion. She waited. but Kenshin's face was a mask.  
  
Then he finally spoke up.  
  
"Omedetou de gozaru yo, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin pasted a wide, happy grin on his face and struggled to keep it intact. He saw Kaoru's face contort with- what is that? Pain?  
  
But why?  
  
Kaoru took a minute to reply and stop herself from crying. "Thank you Kenshin." She said those words as calmly as she could, but inside she was breaking up. She composed herself and said. "Look, I'm leaving for a marriage meeting with Genzai-sensei. I'll be home for dinner, okay?"  
  
With that, she left the room, leaving Kenshin staring dumbly after her.  
  
"That baka!! Baka! Baka! Baka!!!" Kaoru angrily muttered through her tears, as she got dressed. She was wearing her new kimono that was used for special occasions. She planned to wear it someday to a special even with Kenshin, but now it seemed like it would never happen. It was a red silk furisode kimono with a gold embroidered tree at the lower side and some leaves falling off it. The sleeves are also intricately embroidered with bits of leaves. Her kimono was tied with a gold silk obi. She did her hair in the popular Shimada style for unmarried women. She thought it seemed proper since she was going to be a bride soon. She didn't bother putting on make-up, since for one, she didn't know how. Plus Yoshi was a childhood friend. He saw her in normal clothes when they were young, it wouldn't make a difference now. But Kaoru wasn't paying attention to how good she looked. She sat on her tatami and sobbed quietly.  
  
"Kenshin, why did you have to be so numb? So insensitive?"  
  
Yahiko's getting older, and soon, he'll be married to Tsubame!! Kami, why do I have to love him so much? She thought desperately.  
  
But there's Yoshikazu. her mind reminded her. He's there, waiting for you, and he's more than willing to tell you that he really loves you. he's also offering you security, happiness and peace. Of course, you'll also get the family you've always yearned for.  
  
Kaoru turned around; a firm resolve took its place.  
  
"I'm going. I have to do it. For myself, and my opportunity to be happy at last. For my father's honor, I'm going."  
  
As Kenshin watched Kaoru leave for the second time that day, he felt sure that soon, Kaoru would be walking out on him forever. For the second time sine he saw the dummy Kaoru dead with a cross on her cheek, he cried. He sat by himself and wept.  
  
I have traveled so far to find her, fought so hard to keep her, yet in the end, I'll only lose her once again.  
  
*** Man was that sad or what?! I mean, get up Kenshin!! Fight for her!  
  
Kenshin: You're the one who wrote these so don't go complaining!! I was just doing what you wanted me to do! Kaoru: Yeah! Kawaii: Ohhhh.  
  
This is short. but hey, there'll be more to look forward to!! Teehee.. ^_^  
  
"Furisode" is the kind of komono unmarried women wear. It comes in two kinds, the one used for everyday wear and the ones that are used for formal occasions. The formal ones are embroidered on all over with gold or silver thread. It's funny because I wrote the description of the kimono before I even knew that a furisode was exactly what it was! Good guess. Hehe.  
  
"Shimada" is the type of hairstyle that is famous in their times for unmarried women who are about to get married. It is also the style used on a woman's wedding day, only it is more intricately styled.  
  
Thanks for all the peeps who read my other fics and will read this one. you guys simply rock! Please review and rant and rave and criticize and comment and whatever! ^_^ I'm always always always glad to hear from you. I check my reviews, like, ten times a day!!! Even during class!! Teehee. Domo arigatou gozxaimasta minna!! You make Kawaii really happy. and best of all, you make her write better and nicer fics! Love you guys!  
  
Thanks to Gypsy-chan for the suggestions!!! ^_^  
  
Yosh, this is for you. 


	3. Chapter 3 Tea, Talk and Some More Tea

::It's Not What You Think::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Three  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
"Are you ready, Kaoru-chan?" They were outside a western restaurant and Genzai-sensei was looking at Kaoru pensively. She snapped out of her Kenshin-filled reverie and faced the doctor.  
  
"Hai, Genzai-sensei." She answered with all the enthusiasm she could muster.  
  
Genzai seemed to see through Kaoru's weak façade for he patted Kaoru on the back and smiled a comforting smile.  
  
"Kaoru-chan, some things are just not meant to be. Be thankful for what you have, and soon, you'll be feeling a whole lot better." Genzai patted Kaoru again and pushed the door open.  
  
"Let's go in now, ne?" He looked hopefully at Kaoru. "We don't want to keep him waiting.  
  
Kaoru smoothed her kimono and put on a brave smile.  
  
"Hai. I'm ready."  
  
Ohkawa Yoshikazu was a very handsome guy; this was the first thing Kaoru noticed. She didn't remember him that well since they were still little when she last saw him. He had grown into a good-looking young man. His straight hair was cut short, with a few short spikes here and there. He had dark brown eyes and a firm nose. He was also tall and lean and he actually reminded Kaoru of Aoshi, except the fact that Yoshi was cheerful, warm, polite and very humble, and Aoshi. was. well, Aoshi.  
  
As their conversation progressed, Kaoru found out that they shared the same principles of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu and both of them have been applying it to their lives ever since. It turns out that Yoshi was a businessman and that he was doing well for a beginner.  
  
Seems like Kaoru could ask for nothing more from Yoshi. He seemed to have it all, all the things a woman could ever want.  
  
Except he's not Kenshin.  
  
Kaoru remembered how Kenshin had reacted that morning as if she'd just told him something normal, something unimportant.  
  
But Kenshin doesn't even see me. He looks through me. Kaoru thought miserably.  
  
She turned her gaze towards Yoshi who was having an animated conversation with Genzai-sensei about medicine. She studied his boyish features and listened for a while to his equally boyish voice.  
  
He's here and he's here because of you.  
  
Yoshi had loved her the moment he caught sight of her when they were still kids, that was no secret. And he still loves her now. Maybe even more.  
  
Yoshi turned to her and grinned openly. His eyes crinkled and disappeared as he smiled. Kaoru thought it cute. "So, Kaoru-chan, would you like to have tea with me tomorrow morning?"  
  
I have to do this.  
  
Kaoru looked up at Yoshi's smiling face and just had to smile herself. "Hai, Yoshi-kun, arigatou for your offer. I'd love to have tea with you."  
  
Yoshi's smile widened. "Then I'll pick you up at the dojo then. We'll talk and I'll tease you, just like we did during the old times!"  
  
I can do this.  
  
"That would be lovely, Yoshi-kun. Just lovely."  
  
I will do this.  
  
Kaoru decided to pass by Megumi's on the way home. She and Sano had settled on a quaint house near Dr. Genzai's clinic. They also have a baby boy named Arima.  
  
"Konnichiwa!!" Kaoru greeted. "Megumi-san?"  
  
"Kaoru-chan? Is that you?" A muffled voice called out from inside. "Come in!"  
  
Kaoru proceeded inside the house and into Arima's room where she knew Megumi would be in.  
  
"Yahiko just left." Megumi informed her as she cradled little Arima in her arms.  
  
Kaoru started to tickle Arima as the baby squealed with delight. "Oooh!! Kawaii!!"  
  
"Now, Kaoru-chan, I know you didn't come all the way here just to adore my little boy. You and Kenshin should have some of your own, you know."  
  
Kaoru scowled at the mention of Kenshin's name and sat down at the tatami. She sighed and related the whole thing to Megumi- from the marriage arrangement to Kenshin's lack of reaction to Yoshi's warmth to her own yoyo- like emotions.  
  
When she finished, Kaoru let out a long breath. "I'm just really confused. Help me Megumi-san."  
  
*** Oooooooh.. sorry if that was short.. I know I suck at encoding!! But I have this Philo class tomorrow and I need to study cuz my boring professor keeps on flipping those class card and calling out names randomly!!! :o I came late last time, so I couldn't use that tactic again. teehee. ^_^ Plus I wasn't aware that I have this book report due on the 12th!!! I haven't read anything out of the required books!! You can say I'm a very very very wicked girl who doesn't know what her priorities are!!! Waaaaaaaaah  
  
Enough blabbing. please bear with me minna!! And please review! Pretty please?? ::kawaii begs::  
  
Thanks for all the peeps who read my other fics and will read this one. you guys simply rock! Please review and rant and rave and criticize and comment and whatever! ^_^ I'm always always always glad to hear from you. I check my reviews, like, ten times a day!!! Even during class!! Teehee. Domo arigatou gozxaimasta minna!! You make Kawaii really happy. and best of all, you make her write better and nicer fics! Love you guys!  
  
Thanks to Gypsy-chan for the suggestions!!! ^_^  
  
Yosh, this is for you. 


	4. Chapter Four No One Waits Forever

::It's Not What You Think::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Four  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
Megumi couldn't believe what she was hearing.  
  
After all they've been through?!  
  
She shook her head.  
  
No, I have to make Kaoru realize what she's getting into!  
  
"Kaoru-chan," Megumi started, trying to sound confident and reassuring at the same time. "You are nineteen now and you've been through a lot. It's time you made a decision whether you'll move on with this Yoshikazu or stay behind and wait for Ken-san."  
  
Megumi didn't know how to make this situation work for her and push Kaoru to realize that she's meant for Kenshin. But she couldn't do anything more but continue and hope for the best.  
  
"Now I know you're confused, and that's just normal. But try to think which decision will benefit everyone involved, especially you. Think of how Ken-san would feel to lose you all over again if you decide to go with the other. I know you know that I am biased; I will always be on Ken-san's side. But think of what you REALLY WANT. That's all that matters." Megumi looked at Kaoru seriously, hoping she got the point.  
  
Kaoru stood up. "Domo arigatou gozaimasta, Megumi. You have helped me make a decision."  
  
She started to walk to wards the door when Megumi put a hand to her wrist.  
  
"And what might that be, Kaoru-chan?" Megumi asked Kaoru, cinnamon eyes peering into blue ones.  
  
Kaoru gently took off Megumi's hand and looked at her with pure honesty.  
  
"Megumi-san, you are right. I am a grown-up now and I have to learn to make decisions for myself. I have waited for Kenshin for, how long, three years now? Yahiko is grown up now and he's taking care of the students at the dojo. You and Sano are happily settled now. The world doesn't stop on turning." Kaoru sadly looked away before continuing. "If Kenshin had wanted to take our relationship to a higher level, he would've done so a long time ago. We've been past the introductions, the getting-to-know-you, and we've been through so much. It would be a lie to say that I don't love him anymore, because Kami knows how much I do."  
  
Kaoru smiled sadly and took a deep breath. Megumi stood quietly, waiting for her to continue.  
  
"Yoshi-kun might not be Kenshin, and I might not love him now, but I certainly will later. He is here, right now, and for a change, he's the one waiting for me. I'm a person too, Megumi-san. I need to be loved. I need security. I need a chance at happiness. You're a grown woman, Megumi- san. You know every woman wants to be married someday.  
  
Kaoru paused again, choking back the tears that were threatening to fall. I love Kenshin, but I can't wait for him forever. No one waits forever." Kaoru added simply.  
  
She hugged the sister she's had for years.  
  
"I am marrying Yoshi-kun."  
  
She turned and slipped out of the door.  
  
*** Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone  
  
Is that when they are right beside you,  
  
And yet you can never have them.  
  
When the moment you can't feel them under your fingertips, you miss them?  
  
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?  
  
Saying something and wishing you had not, or  
  
Saying something and wishing you had?  
  
Have you ever wanted to love someone  
  
With everything you had?  
  
But that other person is too afraid to let you.  
  
Have you ever fallen for your best friend in the whole world,  
  
And then sat around and watched her fall for someone else?  
  
Don't be afraid to tell someone that you love them,  
  
If you do, they might break your heart.  
  
But if you don't,  
  
You might break theirs.  
  
Excerpt from "No One Waits Forever" Author Unknown  
  
*** There, there, now. it's gonna be ::sob:: fine.. this is soooooooo sad. Why do I write sad fics?! Why can't I write fics where everyone is soooooooo damn happy they wouldn't cry?!?! O_o  
  
My inspiration is really not appearing!!!! What? Is he too busy playing billiards? Too busy studying for his Math test? Too busy dissecting frogs? Not frogs? What? Cats? No? Killer whales??! What the heck are you doing man?! Whaaaa?!? Did you just say you're studying?! Man. Ugh, my prof said we shouldn't let our personal lives mix with our writing. cuz it'll turn out weak and seasonal. oh well. that is SO not possible! But I'll try!! Promise!  
  
Okay, enough ranting.. This is not good.. fic writers must be happy kids!!! Yeah!! Gimme some coffee!!!  
  
I hope it rains really hard tonight. I don't wanna attend my Philo class.. nor my PE class.. not even my Nat Sci class!! I just want my English and Lit classes!!! And Creative Writing!! And Communication classes!!! Waaaaaaaahhhhh...  
  
Did I say stop ranting.? ::dodges rotten tomatoes thrown her way::  
  
Thanks for all the peeps who read my other fics and will read this one. you guys simply rock! Please review and rant and rave and criticize and comment and whatever! ^_^ I'm always always always glad to hear from you. I check my reviews, like, ten times a day!!! Even during class!! Teehee. Domo arigatou gozaimasta minna!! You make Kawaii really happy. and best of all, you make her write better and nicer fics! Love you guys!  
  
Yosh, this is for you. 


	5. Chapter 5 I'm Happy for You, Kaoru

::It's Not What You Think::  
  
Himura Kawaii  
  
Chapter Five  
  
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^  
  
Kenshin sat on the patio silently. He watched the fireflies dance as he waited for Kaoru to arrive. He sighed as he remembered the day he left for Kyoto and Kaoru was crying, begging him not to leave her.  
  
But he did. He left her without even looking back, afraid that if he did, he might not be able to go at all. He had hurt her so much when he walked away. He'd made her cry, not just that time, but also a lot of other times. He made her sick and weak with worry.  
  
I gave my all into protecting her. But why does it seem now that I was actually the one who's hurting her the most?  
  
Kaoru had been so nice to him. She'd given him a home without even wanting to know where he came from. She's given him the family he's always longed for, without asking for anything in return. She'd given him hope, she restored his faith, and above all, she freely given him love.  
  
He knew that Kaoru had been waiting for him. But he just couldn't bring himself to confess his love for her. It's not that he didn't love her. far from it! He loved her like he had never loved anyone before. He loved Tomoe with all the love a fifteen-year-old boy could give, but now that he's double that age, he had changed a lot, and he could offer so much, so much more that it actually scares him. It freaks him out that he'd be willing to kill for her sake, to revert back to the killing machine he was before just to protect her.  
  
He was also scared that if he let himself admit all of these feelings to her, she'd go and die, just like the people from his past. He'd die if he lost her. He already proved that to himself when Enishi pulled a stint on him during his Jinchuu. If it weren't for that dream he had, he wouldn't have woken up in time to save Kaoru. He would never forgive himself if something like that happened again. He wouldn't know what to do if he lost her.  
  
But then again, he knew he was slowly losing her now, like grain falling from his clutched hands. He didn't know what to do, like the grain, if he clutched too tightly, the grain would still fall, but if he didn't, the same would happen.  
  
"She's getting married, and all you could do is sit and stare." Kenshin mumbled reproachfully to himself.  
  
Just then, he heard the gates of the dojo open and Kaoru stepped in. Kenshin stood up almost immediately and walked over to meet her. As soon as he caught full sight of Kaoru he was taken aback by what he saw. Kaoru looked stunning, the material of her kimono shone on the moonlight and the gold thread of its intricate pattern looked even brighter. Kaoru herself looked arresting. Kenshin noticed that she didn't wear any make-up, but her eyes glowed and her cheeks were rosy.  
  
Kenshin realized that her meeting went well and immediately felt his spirits sink even lower. It's not that he didn't want her to be happy. Kami knows that's the most important thing in his mind. But if the meeting went well, he might as well expect Kaoru to get married soon. He suddenly felt weak on his knees.  
  
Kaoru peered at him, puzzled.  
  
"Kenshin? Why are you staring at me like that?" She blushed unconsciously. "is there something wrong with my face?"  
  
Kenshin abruptly snapped out of his disturbing reverie and smiled sheepishly at Kaoru. "Iie! I guess I was just carried away with my thoughts."  
  
You can't even tell her how heavenly she looks. Kenshin inwardly thought.  
  
He followed her to the patio and sat down with her. Kaoru smiled dreamily and muttered, "These fireflies remind me of something that seemed so long ago."  
  
Kenshin gazed at the stars, not knowing what she meant by that remark. Instead he decided to go to the point.  
  
"So how was it?" Kenshin hesitantly asked her.  
  
Kaoru removed her gaze from the fireflies and turned to Kenshin. "Huh?"  
  
"How was your meeting?" He couldn't bring himself to say 'marriage meeting' "That is, if you'd want to tell me." He quite dreaded what she had to say.  
  
Kaoru stole a glance at Kenshin and said, "Oh. You didn't seem to be interested this morning, so I just assumed you didn't really care much about what went on."  
  
Kenshin winced at Kaoru's remark. It had been a stab in his heart for her to assume that he didn't care. Of course he cared! He couldn't even fathom how much. He wanted to say right then and there that he loved her and it would pain him so much to talk to her about her marriage to someone else.  
  
"Kaoru. I."  
  
"Ne, Kenshin?" Kaoru looked up at him expectantly. "I. I was just a bit surprised at the news, that's all."  
  
Surprised is definitely an understatement.  
  
Kaoru immediately looked down. He couldn't even tell her how he actually felt.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Kaoru assumed that Kenshin didn't really like her that much. He was just surprised.  
  
What kind of a reaction is that? Kaoru thought. When your house suddenly collapsed, that's when you become surprised. But when the person you love marries someone else, that definitely calls for another emotion.  
  
Just surprised.  
  
Well then, Kaoru thought, I can be happy for myself too. I can not love him too.  
  
I can act surprised when he announces his wedding too.  
  
Just surprised.  
  
Kaoru gulped and started talking. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you immediately. I was also surprised to find that someone had been waiting for be to become his wife."  
  
Kenshin nodded glumly, but didn't say anything more.  
  
Sensing that he wasn't going to comment any further, Kaoru continued.  
  
"He was my father's best student back then. I used to play with him. Anyway, I found out that Otou-san left a will saying that if I were still unmarried by now, Yoshi, that's his name, would still be waiting for me." Kaoru let out a breath and gazed at the fireflies unseeingly.  
  
"So. um. ano." Kenshin slowly asked. "What's he like.?" he looked at her, not knowing how she'd react, half wishing she'd complain and tell him how horrible this Yoshi guy was.  
  
Kaoru smiled and thought for a minute. "Yoshi. well, he's really nice. He;s well-off so you'd expect him to be snobby and demanding, right? But he's not. What's so good about him is that he's humble and he's not even aware of it!" Kaoru stopped and played with the hem of her sleeve.  
  
Kenshin slowly felt his heart being taken out of his body.  
  
She smiled again and continued. "We haven't met for a long time, but today wasn't even awkward at all."  
  
.while slowly being trampled on.  
  
"We're like old friends who are so comfortable with each other."  
  
.being taken apart piece by piece.  
  
"It wasn't as horrible as I thought the meeting would be. In fact, I think I like him."  
  
.and harshly thrown into some trash can.  
  
Kenshin knew he's lost and as much as he wanted to see Kaoru happy, he'd much rather want to see Kaoru happy with HIM. not this guy. Sure, he's generous and self-sacrificing, but he's only human. And if a part of battousai had been left in him, it was the part where he's possessive of his woman.  
  
"So will you marry him?" He blurted out.  
  
Great, Kenshin. Be a masochist. he sarcastically rebuked himself.  
  
Kaoru was startled by the boldness of this question and blinked at Kenshin a few times before recovering.  
  
She wanted so badly to say, 'But I want to marry YOU!' but she managed with muttering,  
  
"Oh. uh. put it this way. we all want something and we wish for it a great deal in our lives. But oftentimes, we don't get what we really want and things don't turn out the way we planned them to." She paused and looked at Kenshin.  
  
"The thing is, when we don't get what we want, we are given something else. In due time we well realize that what we got is actually what's meant for us." She had to exert extra effort to make the last sentence believable, even for her.  
  
"I see." Kenshin nodded slowly. "But that doesn't answer my question, does it?"  
  
You really do want to hurt yourself, ne Kenshin?  
  
For a minute, they both laughed at this realization and the tension wore off.  
  
Kaoru stood up and brushed invisible dust from her kimono just to buy some time.  
  
"I guess I will."  
  
She smiled faintly at Kenshin. "Oyasumi nasai, Kenshin. She turned and left for her room.  
  
"Oyasumi nasai, de gozaru yo."Kenshin quietly said, almost to himself.  
  
"I'm really happy for you, Kaoru.dono."  
  
He buried his face in his hands and sighed.  
  
Wooooh. that was pretty longer. I hope you guys liked it. the emotions were really hard to bring out so. it took a great deal of internalization. teehee ^_^  
  
Yes, Kenshin will be the one serving them tea, isn't that sweet? Arigatou for your suggestion!!! ^_^  
  
Sorry I've been ranting too much lately. just crazy, that's all!! :p  
  
Yosh, this is NOT for you anymore!!!! Hehehe.. kidding. 


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